“The images we take have definitely boosted my self esteem”
So, we’d been together about three years when Marcus (my husband) approached me about posing for him. He was extremely nervous and had drunk half a bottle of wine to get the courage up! He’s admitted that he wasn’t sure if I’d think it disgusting or perverted of him, but I simply said ‘where would you like me?’
I had no previous experience of posing for a photographer prior to that, and he had no experience of photographing nudes, or much else to be honest. The journey we began, we began together, which is beautiful in itself.
I was nervous at first, but not about taking my clothes off — more about whether I would give him what he sought. The insecurities were of whether I could be a good muse, pose attractively, look good for his images and so forth.
He is very good at making me feel beautiful and sexy, and putting me at ease, and I think that’s a skill in itself. Ultimately, probably a good lesson for many men, is that if a woman feels comfortable, at ease and safe, then she will be more inclined to explore and push her limits and boundaries. Marcus has never pressured me, nor has he judged me, and as consequence I’ve felt liberated and confident in my sexuality and how I express that.
“I am of the opinion that men have controlled and manipulated female sexuality for too long. I own my sexuality, it’s mine to express as I wish”
The images we take have definitely boosted my self esteem. It feels sexy and we enjoy it from an artistic creative perspective that is also melded to our sex life, which I feel is very healthy.
A huge part of posing for my husband stems from my being a passionate feminist. I don’t agree at all with women who think shedding one’s clothes is shameful or ‘slutty’. I am of the opinion that men have controlled and manipulated female sexuality for too long. I own my sexuality, it’s mine to express as I wish.
I see beauty in female sexuality, not something that’s dirty or to be ashamed of. Feminism ought to be about retaking control of our sexuality and how we embrace and explore that. Part of that for me involves posing for and enjoying having my husband photograph me and then displaying those images. I am not embarrassed about them, I am proud of them. We have many of our nudes hanging on our walls in our home, for any visitors to see. To me this is normal.
Ours is a love story. We met in difficult circumstances as two troubled young people, and we were homeless and living on the street together, before rebuilding our lives. We our deeply bonded, deeply in love and very much soulmates. We do everything together and we have always communicated very well, which is key to a relationship.
I feel that I can explore myself however I choose even within my marriage, and that’s a testament to the man I married. As a feminist I need a strong man, because it’s challenging and requires strength of conviction to stand beside a strong woman who has a voice and is confident enough to lead in her own right. This is who we are.
A criticism I have of some men is that they see an image of a woman and do not consider that there is a human being featured in the photograph. They see only a commodity, something for them to enjoy. They do not think ‘that is a person, with a life, and a family, perhaps I shouldn’t take that image and post it where I want to even though it isn’t my property to do so etc’.
I had a conversation with a butcher not too long ago. I regularly buy from his stall and he had commented that I ‘looked nice’ and prefaced it with ‘if you don’t mind me saying so.’ I know him well enough for the compliment to have been acceptable and I was wearing a dress with a very low cut front that showed off my cleavage. I said to him, ‘If I’ve got them out on display I don’t mind you looking.’ That’s kind of how I see it.
Obviously, compliments ought to be gentlemanly rather than boorish, but it’s okay to look, though there is a difference between a furtive glance and a prolonged disquieting stare. I am a nudist so I am not ashamed or embarrassed about my body, and I am used to male glances. The expectation I have is that it’s done in a gentlemanly manner and in a way that doesn’t encroach upon my going about my life unhindered and without hassle.
Men control women’s sexuality in so many ways. They are scared of it. They stop their wives or girlfriends from going out in tops or skirts or dresses that they deem too short, too tight, too revealing — and they do so because they are scared of their wives or girlfriends displaying their sexuality, of them being women that other men might perceive as attractive. They do it by keeping their wives almost perennially pregnant, or by feeding them to make them larger, or by mentally abusing them until they lose their confidence, self worth and belief in themselves. It’s all done to protect the fragile ego of the man, because men do not confront their insecurities, they hide from them through the coercive control of women. They allow sexuality, per se, but only on their terms, mostly.
Last summer, for example, I was walking through a city called Brighton. It was midday on the hottest day of the year. I was wearing a summer dress and no bra. As I walked through the main high street with people teeming about everywhere, two middle eastern men walked up to me and shouted ‘whore!’ And then ‘Slut!’ at me. This happened in broad daylight on a main high street. They felt so empowered and untouchable that they had no qualms behaving this way. There is absolutely no justification whatsoever for anybody to feel they have the right to judge someone else on how they choose to dress. But this is something that is very much on the rise. You have the likes of Andrew Tate, an abhorrent human being, calling out a television presenter in her forties for her choice in posting a bikini picture on social media. She has every right to enjoy her figure and to post that image if she so chooses. He has no right to suggest that she should not do so. These kind of men try to control women and to suppress their sexuality — except for in the instances they want that sexuality to be visible. These are the men that have no place in any civilised society. They are weak, and they are scared of women, and they display that fear in controlling, negative behaviour.
I find it odd that television depicts violence at all times of the day, yet a beautiful naked woman would be considered ‘offensive’. It’s upside down.
Men often like to compartmentalise women, too. They seem to struggle with the notion that, for example, I can be a highly successful business woman, a wife, and a sexual creature, and all those elements are what makes me a rounded person.
My husband has never been like that. Before him I knew only jealous boyfriends, abusive boyfriends, controlling boyfriends, whereas he has always ‘allowed’ me to wear whatever I choose. He likes to shop with me for nice clothes and pretty dresses. He has encouraged my sexuality, even when that has challenged him and brought his insecurities to the forefront. And I have reassured him, guided him and nurtured him.
I am proud that he enjoys photographing me and that he is comfortable with me taking the lead and displaying those images. That’s a beautiful freedom, and I respect him all the more as a person for having the strength to be that way.
I think the prominence of my breasts in our images is largely due to the fact that Marcus has always loved my boobs and as a consequence they are a part of me that his photography is drawn too, which is fine and very normal in my opinion.
Women do also criticise and look down at women expressing their sexuality. I think those women don’t like sexually confident women because they don’t like seeing that in other women.
If you look at the women who are popular Hollywood actresses they are women that women won’t feel threatened by. Julia Roberts and Jennifer Aniston, for example, while attractive, are not necessarily sexy. Reece Witherspoon is the same. Whereas Salma Hayek or Christina Hendricks drive men crazy and are therefore more marginalised because some women are threatened by that. Women can be very jealous of each other.
I, personally, haven’t had too many problems with women in terms of things being said, but I am very dominant in my personality so perhaps they are scared of me! 😁
“The creative aspect in terms of how and what we shoot is collaborative”
We generally shoot at the weekend when we have the time to do so, but we occasionally do planned shoots through the week on an evening.
The creative aspect in terms of how and what we shoot is collaborative. If I have an idea I’ll suggest it and vice versa. Sometimes during a shoot I’ll notice something about the light and how I can position my body and I’ll experiment with that, on other occasions I’ll listen to Marcus’ instructions and follow his lead. There are also times when he’ll set the light how he wants it and then just say ‘do your thing’ and I have carte Blanche to do as I wish while he shoots me.
I’d say that we have a fairly even balance between planned shoots and spur of the moment ones. For example, there was a time last autumn when there was a sudden ferocious rain storm. We were watching it from the window and Marcus asked if I’d be okay going out in it. I stripped off, he grabbed his camera and we took some great shots of me with the rain falling. I’ll post those at some point.
There are also times when Marcus notices a natural light source and asks me if I mind stripping off and we’ll do some impromptu shots. These are good examples of that;
The first was taken in our bedroom when Marcus noticed how the late afternoon sunshine was breaking through the window in a shard of light from behind the adjacent house. He grabbed his camera and I got naked, et voila!
The second (Nudists wear shoes, too) was taken in the morning during a trip away in our motorhome. Marcus liked how the light was breaking through the window so I posed for some spur of the moment images.
After he drew me a bath was sort of spur of the moment too. We were preparing to do a shoot in lingerie. Marcus had drawn me a bath and I was lying on the bed cooling down after getting out of it. He took the shots of me while we chatted about the shoot we were going to do, and then I went off to my dressing room to put my makeup on etc.
“The warm sun was shining across me like it was massaging me and I lost myself in the moment, and this image is the result!”
In the Autumn Sunshine was taken when we noticed the sunshine breaking across the bed late one afternoon. The sun was dipping behind the house opposite which left shards of light falling across our bed from the window. So, the image is natural light.
I climbed on the bed and we took some images of me sitting upright on my side and then I lay back in the shard of sunlight. I could hear Marcus excitedly telling me how beautiful I looked, which was a thrill and encouraged me. The warm sun was shining across me like it was massaging me and I lost myself in the moment, and this image is the result! I like it for the lighting, and for how it portrays female sexuality in a powerful, beautiful way.
When I was a teenager there was a magazine called More which had a huge influence on me. It was aimed at young women and there was an article in it about masturbation — about how important it was for women to explore themselves, to look at themselves and to understand their bodies, because if as women we didn’t know what we liked and how things felt, how could we expect men to.
I have always been a sexual person, and that guidance, and how it made touching oneself seem ‘okay’ and not ‘seedy’ or ‘wrong’ was inspiring. The photo of me on the bed is kind of that point made in art.
In our opinion, so much of what’s out there, photographically speaking, is taken by ‘pro’ photographers who have had the same formal training as each other and take the exact same style of formally trained imagery. There’s no pulse to that at all. It’s bland and lacks creativity or inspiration.
Marcus learned everything himself, with no training. I think that enabled him to learn techniques that are far from traditional. He lights our work in a completely unique way and he looks for things artistically in a very unique way too. That’s inspiring to be part of.
I think being man and wife, lovers, best friends and soulmates helps too — we understand each other and he knows how to draw the deepest passions from me and captures that in our images.
I’ve had numerous requests from other photographers to pose for them and I always say no. They don’t seem to grasp that the beauty of it for me is in posing for my husband — in seeing the pleasure that gives him, and being part of that creative process with the man I love. I would never want to do that with anyone but him. I think that’s the point — our work has connection, depth, love, passion, all the things that can’t be captured in a sterile studio with a photographer and model who have no relationship aside from that moment.
And we don’t, and will not ever do it for money. I’ve been offered that too, but money tarnishes everything and you can see it in the imagery where it’s paid models etc. It makes it commercial and again there’s no pulse to that at all.
We like to capture images that are ‘raw’, powerful and a little bit different.
We pay almost no attention to the equipment side of photography. We have a light that’s about twelve years old and isn’t at all sophisticated. We own two cameras and two lenses, both 35mm, one for each camera. One of the cameras is smaller and we use that when out and about in locations and places where the conditions might be tougher, and the other is used for home shoots and places where conditions aren’t as challenging. That’s the total extent of our equipment.
I like the style of our images — there is power and strength in them. They are artistic and have an intensity that I love. Marcus is very interested in using light and shadow to create imagery that has strength and is different. He has moulded his style over many years and I feel like it fits us and who we are.
There is a lot of power in the feminine form. I think the nature of the feminine shape, with curves, breasts and wide hips is very dynamic.
“My boobs could in some ways be a symbol of my personality. I am quite brash, quite outspoken and I am an alpha female”
I was an early developer and got boobs before all the other girls at school. In that early moment I felt different in a way that was difficult.
Initially I found being the earliest developer very difficult. When one is young one doesn’t necessarily want to be different. However, when I hit my teens I realised that I enjoyed being different and that remains the case today. I am not scared of my individuality and embrace it.
I was also very ‘boyish’ from an early age, in that my interests were not traditionally ‘girly’ things. I am, for example, a black belt in karate, whereas other girls my age did ballet. I am good at d.i.y, I get excited by adverts for new power tools and I have a tool box, whereas my husband has no interest in such things. I also drive a large truck, whereas most women favour little cars.
In the times we live in now I have no doubt there would have been people trying to transition me when I was around eleven or twelve (which is terrifying to imagine). I had a boys haircut and didn’t dress in a feminine way at all — but I always felt feminine and have always been proud to be a strong willed girl who has grown into an even more strong willed woman.
When I was fifteen or sixteen I discovered sex and boys, loved both, and realised my boobs and curves could help me attain such things. It was around then that I had something of a metamorphosis, changing my hairstyle, wearing clothing that showed off my figure and so forth.
My boobs could in some ways be a symbol of my personality. I am quite brash, quite outspoken and I am an alpha female. I am a company director and my relationship is female led. My sexuality has often scared men, and women, as has my body. I find a lot of men want to submit to me, as much as they want to fuck me.
I think my personality certainly ‘fits’ my body, in that respect, and perhaps the latter has enabled the former to flourish freely, but I feel both have evolved in tandem, and in harmony with one another.
“Nudism is cathartic bliss. If you haven’t tried it you’re missing out on something pure and beautiful”
I got into nudism in my early twenties. It was kind of by accident. I had started posing for Marcus by that time, but the two things weren’t related. We had been homeless and through a very difficult period. After we got housed and started to get back on our feet I suggested we go on holiday.
We were very, very poor and couldn’t afford anything other than a cheap package holiday (the sort where there are lots of awful English men in football shirts that get drunk and try to start fights). Marcus was adamant that he wasn’t going on a holiday like that. I understood his reasoning so I stopped suggesting it.
A few weeks later I went online and looked at holidays again. In the corner of a website I found there was a little flashing button at the bottom with ‘nudism’ written on it. I had a chuckle and was intrigued, so I clicked on it. To my astonishment there were many amazing looking nudist places in beautiful scenery and all very cheap. I excitedly went to Marcus and suggested it. He loved the idea because he reasoned that awful drunk Englishmen in football shirts would never have the open mindedness to go to a nudist camp.
So we went to a place called Arna-autchot in France. It was set in a pine forest, with a private sandy beach, restaurants, supermarkets etc and we had the most amazing time. I knew from the moment I took my clothes off that I would never do a ‘clothed’ holiday again. It felt so liberating to walk around naked and there was also a touch of exhibitionism to it, that was fun – though most nudist places aren’t at all about sex.
It’s very difficult to get photos at nudist resorts because they are understandably wary of cameras and phones, for people’s privacy. But we are careful and respectful. The pictures of me in the sun hat were taken at a place called Sérignan Plage this recent summer.
“I am an enlightened, emboldened woman for the experiences I have enjoyed. My sexuality is mine”
Exploring one’s sexuality is intrinsic to finding oneself – but maturity is vital when doing so, as like many things in life, there are pitfalls. I do worry that teenage girls are being coerced into engaging in sexual scenarios that, in my opinion, are best left for a time when a greater level of maturity has set in. This might sound rather stuffy, but the mental elements to sexuality can be as damaging as they are exhilarating when done with the wrong person/people at the wrong time.
I consider myself fortunate in that, whilst I was quite promiscuous as a young woman, I didn’t truly explore my sexuality until I met Marcus. The importance of this point, is to say, that because I didn’t cheapen the experiences I would go on to have with him, I didn’t have dark memories that might have ruined the beautiful experiences that came after. My advice to young women is to wait until you truly meet that special person in your life before you try threesomes, fetishes and some of the more risqué sexual pleasures – for when you have the person you love by your side, the experience is unparalleled and the memories exquisite. Only give these beautiful gifts to a person that deserves to share them with you.
I went to my first swingers club for Marcus’s thirtieth birthday. It was his gift from me! He was fascinated by what might be inside these venues so we went along to try one. I was extremely nervous. Would I fit in? Would people find me attractive? Would Marcus find the reality unpleasant and look at me differently afterwards? My relationship is everything to me and I was scared that what we were going to try might ruin it. At the end of the day that’s where knowing your partner, trusting them, and believing in them is crucial. We are so bonded that I felt sure we could handle whatever we encountered.
To be honest, it was a life changing experience. I couldn’t believe how many ‘normal’ everyday people were in attendance. We’d agreed a secret word that we’d use if we got inside and the place was horrendous, but it was the opposite.
We met another couple inside the club who were first timers and shared a hot tub with them, and then had sex. They were lovely, but I learned two things from my first time – that I didn’t like seeing Marcus with other women (he’s all mine!) and that whilst I enjoyed being with another woman, I definitely preferred men. Marcus was fine with this. He admitted he didn’t actually want to have sex with the other woman, but had felt obligated because of the ‘swinging’ element.
So, the next time we arranged to meet a man instead. It’s a cliche, he was a black stallion, a colossus! I had sex with him in an outdoor shack and the experience was made even greater because I could hear a woman shrieking as she watched through a window. The man I played with was lovely, a gentleman out of the sheets, but not a gentle man in them, so to speak. Marcus watched and loved it. He gleans enormous pleasure from my pleasure, and I glean a huge amount from putting on a show for him. We are not regular ‘players’ and we are very careful with whom we play. But once or twice a year we hit a club and have some fun.
We’ve also explored kinkier elements. I’m a switch, and enjoying being Domme and sub. I’ve explored rope-play and some harder fetish elements, which can be fun, too – but it’s so important to try that with someone you trust and who respects you. I’m lucky, I have Marcus to explore with. He’s a big, muscular bodybuilder, so when we play with others I know he’s there to make sure I’m okay. I’ve spoken to other women who’d love to try some of the stuff I have but they don’t have that safety valve.
It’s also important not to feel pressured. Men have asked Marcus ‘how did you get your wife to do those things?’ – and they miss the point. Whilst Marcus has opened my eyes to sexuality beyond the base level, to a place where mental elements heighten the experience, he has never pushed or forced me to do or try anything, and he’s never judged me for something I’ve wanted to explore. I’ve been able to try things at my own pace and comfort level. Of course he’s been thrilled when I’ve tried stuff that’s blown his mind, but he only ever makes suggestions and waits to see if it’s something I might want to do, and that’s how it ought to be.
I also know that a lot of women would like to try the things I have, but in the past society (and men) have controlled those desires. Words like ‘slut’ and ‘slag’ and ‘whore’ are often thrown at women. They are words designed to suppress female sexual expression, to shame women into retreat. The word ‘promiscuous’ infers something derogatory, whereas a man is a ‘stud’ for enjoying similar pleasures. I return to my point on women taking control of their sexual lives and taking it back from the men who wish to suppress and control those things. I am an enlightened, emboldened woman for the experiences I have enjoyed. My sexuality is mine.
Follow Frootloupe on DeviantArt
The Forbidden Book of Beauty 